Forget Ugly Sweaters…

…Look, I’m pretty sure this whole “ugly sweater” craze that’s sweeping the nation is a ruse invented by the thrift shop industry in an attempt to sell more ugly sweaters.  I sorta feel the same way about that hit song by Macklemore.  Like, is wearing an ugly sweater supposed to be daring?  Back in my day, we wore ugly sweaters unironically.  We had more important things to be embarassed about.  Like actual ugly photos of ourselves on Christmas morning.  Oh yes.  I bare it all.  Check out MY ghosts of Christmas past:


Last year, I got sat on by a giant dog!

In 2011, I was SUPER INTO red jeans.  Man oh man.

I don’t remember much from Christmas 2010, which sounds like a good enough defense for this picture:

I was probably drunk.
I was most likely drunk.

That year was kinda hell for me.

It looks like I actually tried for a nice photo back in 2009…


…too bad my co-models were really not into it.
Thanks a lot, guys.

Mysteriously, I couldn’t find any Christmas photos from 2008…
Maybe my laptop got stolen, or something.


There are tons of wonderful pictures from the holidays back in 2007.
Too bad I don’t actually look good in any of them.


“You guys, I swear I’m not high, I’m just REALLY INTO these lights right now!”The weird thing is, I’m actually wearing that same camo T-shirt right now.
Thinking of growing my hair out pink again…whaddaya say?

Well, 2006 must’ve been a huelluva year, because I think this photo is the worst yet:


Wowie wowie wow.
That’s the card, folks.

Oh wait.

I stand corrected.


So this Christmas Eve 2013, I remind you all to go to bed really early.

Reeeeeeally early.So you can wake up before everyone else and claim the bathroom and put on a little mascara and sneak downstairs and make a cup of coffee before Dad whips out the camera and snaps a picture of you looking like an ugly sweater this Christmas.

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