When I sat down to, as today’s Blogtember prompts, write a story about a time I was afraid, I could think of none in recent history.
Going back further, however, I remembered there was a time when I was always afraid.
I was afraid of losing the people I loved, of getting hurt, or embarrassing myself.
I was afraid of being laughed at, being alone, disappointing other people.
I was afraid of making mistakes, afraid of failure, and – ironically – I was deathly afraid of missing out.
I must admit, therapy (and finding the right therapist) helped a lot. But if I had to pinpoint the moment I stopped being afraid, it was probably moments after the moment when I was most afraid. This is hard to admit and not fun to relive, but last 4th of July, when my long-term relationship came to a sad and hurtful end, I called my mother and unloaded all of my fears onto her. I was facing a few: failure, being alone, and obviously, losing the people I loved.
She told me, over the phone, that she was proud of me. Proud of me! For all the little things I took for granted: moving to my dream city, working at jobs that I loved, being independent. I never, never thought of it like that. I wasn’t a failure, I just wasn’t focusing on my successes. Suddenly, failure was relative. Poof! Failure was no longer a thing to be afraid of.
My friends were there the whole time to lend an ear and have been just a text or phone call away. I found that my “support network” was invisible but ever-present. You are never really alone. You just aren’t looking hard enough. Poof! Fear of loneliness eliminated. I was still surrounded by the people I loved, as I had been all along! Poof!
Removing the concept of fear from my life allowed me to pull myself out of what could have been a life-damaging situation and charge boldly ahead into a whole new phase. A little over a year ago I stopped fearing things that ought not to be feared, and couldn’t be happier today.
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| Can you believe this was a year ago? How time flies when you’re living fearlessly! |
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