Everything I Know About Sex I Learned From *Musical Theatre*

I have been a theatre nerd ALL. MY. LIFE. True story: my parents remember me dancing around to “One” from A Chorus Line when I was a toddler, so baby, as long as I could talk, I’ve been a Broadway Baby!

So of course, the first person to really sit me down and teach my about S-E-X was the musical theatre soundtracks of my youth! If you’re like me, and I think you are, then these are the lessons you learned about sex from musical theatre:


The, um, Basics:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa4fexSINcs]



[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKMIldYNvk4]

Dick ain’t nothin special

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w7ywCbuXNY]

“Nice guys” are in fact, the worst

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvboHsW7hcQ]

nobody wants to boink in August

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WS_YAKZH3lw]

the whole, um, vocabulary

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzwGfP98vGM?t=1s]

puberty is WILD

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-kCzTiv6Lk]



[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ivx6tNHfW4]


trying to lock down that commitment can literally kill you

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX-eFkGdJNM]


being a slut is fuuuuuun

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A18kYnP4Pec]


if you have sex, you will get pregnant and die

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p6OH7FoWoQ]


but if you do, you must ABSOLUTELY wrap! it! up!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJY8IAV5tOc]

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