I have been a theatre nerd ALL. MY. LIFE. True story: my parents remember me dancing around to “One” from A Chorus Line when I was a toddler, so baby, as long as I could talk, I’ve been a Broadway Baby!
So of course, the first person to really sit me down and teach my about S-E-X was the musical theatre soundtracks of my youth! If you’re like me, and I think you are, then these are the lessons you learned about sex from musical theatre:
The, um, Basics:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa4fexSINcs]
Sex is TERRIFYING
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKMIldYNvk4]
Dick ain’t nothin special
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w7ywCbuXNY]
“Nice guys” are in fact, the worst
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvboHsW7hcQ]
nobody wants to boink in August
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WS_YAKZH3lw]
the whole, um, vocabulary
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzwGfP98vGM?t=1s]
puberty is WILD
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-kCzTiv6Lk]
threesomes?
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ivx6tNHfW4]
trying to lock down that commitment can literally kill you
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX-eFkGdJNM]
being a slut is fuuuuuun
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A18kYnP4Pec]
if you have sex, you will get pregnant and die
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p6OH7FoWoQ]
but if you do, you must ABSOLUTELY wrap! it! up!
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJY8IAV5tOc]