FEELING: Lots better. Lots better. I had one truly amazing therapy session and also worked almost every day of the past month, and that changed a lot for me. I went from agonizing over feeling “lazy” when I wasn’t working, to realizing that there are ebbs and flows, and the time I spend not working is just as valuable as the time I do spend working. It’s weird — like, I’m sitting here in my bed in pajamas writing this at 11am after doing my laundry and cleaning my room and yet I still feel guilty about being “lazy” by just blogging — but I’ve got a LONG LIST of things I want to accomplish when I’m not working (and I have some work stuff to take care of this week!), and it’s helpful to have reframed my relationship to work in such a positive way. Are you ready? Here it is. Basically, one INCREDIBLE session had me decide to change my mindset from “I feel useless when I’m not working” to “I’m lucky to have a job that I love so much that I prefer to work than not work!” I keep trying to tell myself that I’m not “lazy,” I earned my time off (I worked three weekends in a row, do that math), and I have this here to-do list.
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WATCHING: RuPaul’s Drag Race is so good this season! I’ve been too busy to watch much TV, but I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts at work!.
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LISTENING TO: I’m keeping up on Casefile and Sword and Scale, and enjoying You Must Remember This and The Last Podcast On The Left!
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READING: Again…still not reading…I know…
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WORKING ON: There’s a couple things at work I have to do (can’t talk about ’em though!), an article that I have to write, and that long list of things I want to do when I’m not at work.
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THINKING ABOUT: Self-preservation and self-sabotage. Trust and caution. Attraction and destruction. Bad habits and bad advice.
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EATING: Of course, I’ve been cooking a lot of my “eggs in the microwave” stuff, that’s become my absolute go-to this month.
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LOOKING FORWARD TO: Actually, the weather is FINALLY warming up, and I’m excited to bust out my summer wardrobe again! I’m NOT excited for humidity or constantly slathering up with sunscreen, though. Ugh.
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MAKING ME HAPPY: I just got my hair cut, and it looks amazing! I mean, see the picture above. The last time I got my hair cut was like…August??? And in between then and now, I definitely let myself go a bit, in terms of not touching up my roots, or taking good care of my skin, and I was sort of in a rut of having bad split ends. Getting my hair refreshed makes me look sooooo much more put-together and I feel so much better about myself, it’s honestly so surprising. Therapy is going GREAT. I’m so glad that I have this resource to work on myself, and looking back, it’s been a godsend in my life and I’m so happy to have the opportunity to examine my beliefs within this structure.
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