Okay, I can concede that the title of this post is… aggressively weird. I just find it a little bit too on the nose that the New Year happens to coincide almost perfectly with the giant shake-up of my life which was a HUGE breakup and MOVING to a new place. Calendar, is this a subtweet?

It’s oh-so-very popular to see the start of a new year as a chance to start fresh, to reinvent yourself. Can I just say, I reinvented myself before it was cool? Like, in November? And take it from someone who’s already been there done that — rebuilding your entire life from the ground up

SUCKS BIG HAIRY SLIMY DIRTY DONKEY BALLS

alright?

But then December 31st rolled around, and the trend of setting resolutions became to appealing for me to deny.

Internalize the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy.” 2016 & 2017 saw me looking around and realizing that everyone else around me was far more accomplished, stable, and fulfilled than I was. And struggling to keep up. I accept that here, at rock bottom, I have nowhere to go but “UP,” so I resolve to redefine “success” as “happiness” and be satisfied with what truly makes me happy instead of worrying about measuring my happiness against everyone else’s metrics.

Accept that my past is my past. I cannot change it, no matter how much I want to erase it, and stop framing myself as a “victim” of terrible circumstances. Also, stop carrying my misfortune as a grey cloud over me, and let go of the idea that I’m doomed to repeat my cycle of misery for the rest of my life.

And finally, and this one is most dear to me, I wish in the new year to BE THE WEIRDEST, LOUDEST, most HONEST VERSION OF ME that I can be. Free from the burden of worrying about “embarrassing” someone, or that my joy tramples on their joy somehow, I want to spread out and explore corners of myself that maybe I haven’t lurked in for fear of judgement. Well! No judgement here!

But hey, I’m not going to go bananas if I can’t do all of these things, all at once, all PERFECTLY. I mean, I’m already in the middle of reinventing my life from the ground up, you remember, the donkey balls? So I’d keep these resolutions not like a steel fence but like, gentle reminders. Three little fairy godmothers, like Aurora had in Sleeping Beauty. So I’m going to imagine my three resolutions flying around my head and trying to remind me at all times:

“You’re good enough as you!”

“The past is past!”

“Darling — STAY WEIRD!”