Hoodies: A Love Story

Truly and honestly, is there anything better than a pullover hoodie?

A hoodie is a hug that you can wear. A hoodie can make you look like a bear.

I could just not resist going Dr. Seuss on you guys, I love hoodies just that much. In fact, I nerded out on hoodies and did a little research and it turns out that hoodies have been making cold necks warm for centuries. Centuries! via Wikipedia:

Oh, did you catch that — Upstate New York? Me + Hoodies are both Upstate NY natives. Of course I’m drawn to hoodies!

I’ve always been a “cozy” person. My terrier is a burrower: he is happiest when he can tunnel under blankets and create a “nest” for himself to cuddle up in. I totally identify with this, and see how it applies to hoodies: the BEST hoodies are the ones that make you feel like you’re wearing a sleeping bag as a shirt, like your sweatshirt is a tunnel you can peer out of. In fact, I’ve often been accused of being too fond of “caves:” of sitting in a too-dark room with a lit candle. I like the darkness! And a hoodie is like a cave for your head. A cave you pull up around your face. Viva the cave! Viva hoodies!

Whenever I retreat to the cozy warmth of a hoodie, I think of an antiquated slang phrase “all good in the hood.” Oh, I know that it wasn’t originally meant to apply to hoodies (um, obviously), but when I’m wearing a nice big ol’ hood, I feel very protected. Maybe it’s because I have a thing about the back of my head? I don’t know where this fear came from, but I’ve always been weirded out about strangers in crowds getting too close to the back of my head. I simply cannot cope with the sensation of someone breathing on the back of my neck. Haircuts are fraught with anxiety. I think somewhere I heard a news story about a girl getting grabbed by the ponytail and assaulted. Yeah, maybe that’s it. But the hoodie — more than any other garment — makes me feel protected. Hood up, guard up? Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Finally, and possibly most frivolously, I think I look damn good in a hood. Especially the extra-large hoods like the one in the first photograph. I feel like a saint in a medieval painting, except my hood is my halo. I am a warm Earth-angel, face framed in fleece. I like the shadows the hood casts, I like the way it showcases my cheekbones and jaw. Hoodies are good on me!

Look, if I had a choice, every garment donned between September and June would have a huge, warm hood attached. The difference can really be felt when I’m giving ghost tours in something besides a hoodie — particularly down the back of my neck. Hoodies hit the spot, the back of the neck spot, that hard-to-reach chilly spot. A hoodie just swaddles you in comfort and — bonus for ghost tour guides like myself — also makes you look a little bit like Death! So, there’s a checkmark for warmth, and a checkmark for ambiance. Hoodies should be the mandatory uniform for ghost tour guides!!

I am 100% pro-hoodies. There truly is nothing better than cozying up in an oversized sweatshirt, tucking your hair into the hood, and retreating into your own little fleece cocoon. Even running errands in a hoodie feels like you’re carrying your own private world of comfort with you. Hoodies are like scented candles made into shirts. Hoodies are the wearable form of a hot, luxurious bath. I will defend the hoodie to anyone, anywear. All puns always intended.

 

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