On Monday night, I fell asleep on my boyfriend while watching Jean-Claude Van Damme or something, and I had a dream about cake.
The cake in my dream was a vanilla cake, light and spongy, half-decorated in white frosting and half-decorated in dark chocolate frosting. Like a giant, fluffy, black-and-white cookie! In the dream, it was sitting in my refrigerator, and I just started eating it.
When I woke up, I wondered to myself, “maybe I should just eat some cake?”
To be clear.
Because of a gluten sensitivity, I have not “just eaten cake” in like, four years. Even a tiny bit of gluten contamination triggers a STRONG autoimmune response which leads to debilitating stomach cramps, vomiting, diarrhea, and breaking out in itchy, oozing sores all over my head and torso. So while you’d think I should just “treat my’self” to some cake, uh-uh. Ain’t that simple, buttercream.
And then I started thinking about this bullshit disaster of a country we live in. On Monday, yes the same day as The Cake Dream, CNN actually had to discuss, in all seriousness, “Are Jews People?” Like, AreYouFuckinKiddingMe? Maybe it’s time to just give up. Eat the lethal cake. Death by chocolate frosting.
So while I’d love to promise all of you, my readers (however many there are left), that I’ll snap out of this “funk” and go back to blogging-business-as-before, it’s probably just not going to happen. Like how I’ll never again roll up to the fridge, find a cake, and just shovel fistfuls of it into my mouth, like in my dream. Yeah, maybe now and then we’ll have a gluten-free cake, but y’all, it’s not going to be the same. We’re not going to be the same. I’m not going to be the same. Only in our dreams, dude.