The Person I Am Not

I’m not a “dainty jewelry” person…

I’m a big, sparkly, four-rings-at-a-time, wear a pewter vertebrae around my neck person.  I see people wearing thin silver bands and dainty diamond necklaces and think, “That’s so pretty, feminine, and subtle,” I immediately realize that much as I would like to pull off a thin chain around my neck, I’m just not a dainty jewelry person.  If I’m going to drown in jewelry, it should be big enough to sink me to the bottom.  Love your gold bangle, really, and your studs make you look so polished.  But I’m not a dainty jewelry person, and I really never was.

I’m not a “neutral colours” person…

Unless I’m wearing them all at once!  I know what I like – purple, black, and olive green – and would rather match pink + red than brown + blue.  If we’re not counting shoes, I own ONE piece of brown clothing…because it reminds me of Obi-Wan.  It’s my Jedi shirt.  I don’t think I ever figured “earth tones” out.  Is “denim” a neutral colour?  Or just in Canada?  Maybe Breton stripes will count as a neutral one day, but I have too much floral print in my closet.  Isn’t the point of “neutral colours” to avoid drawing focus?  What’s the point in wearing clothes, then?  A student asked me, “Why do you always dress so weird?” and I placated him by insisting “Because I can.”  If that means I’m not a neutral colours person, then, colour me proud to be what I am!

I’m not a “ballet flats” person…

I blame it on a malfunction of my toes.  Ballet flats and “cute shoes” just cut my “pointer toe” to shreds!  And they’re completely impractical for climbing stairs, they keep popping off!  But I feel like less of an “adult” for not being able to wear “adult” shoes.  What if Cinderella hadn’t been wearing slip-ons, but lace-up boots?  High-top Chucks?  Would she have missed her destiny?  Am I missing mine?  Should I just keep trying?  Wrap my feet in Band-Aids and give it another go with ballet flats?  Is it a lack of determination, the only thing standing between me and being able to stand comfortably in a pair of what the world insists are “comfortable shoes”?  I think I must be broken, in my toes or in my soul.

I’m not a “fresh face” person…

Does this mean I don’t believe in “natural beauty?” People ask if I’m “sick” when I don’t wear makeup.  It’s not just to hide flaws, it’s my daily dose of creative expression!  Makeup is my grown-ass colouring book.  I love my skin – big nose, tattoos, “ugly misshapen body” and all.  But I feel sexy and creative putting on lots of makeup, too.  My freshest face is fresh off the printer’s.  Take it or leave it.

There’s a certain comfort in knowing who I am, and who I am not. 
But I won’t hold it against me if I prove me wrong.

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