My mother sent this article to me, clipped from a local magazine. The year is 2006, and despite a deep-seated self-loathing that the photograph conveys, I have volunteered myself to model for a local photo-feature. Does this image not make you cringe? The forced, uncomfortable smile barely peeking through a wall of hair, one arm crossed in front to sheild from view my body, already heaped in clothes a size (or more) too big? This photograph makes me sad. I see myself at my most afraid, here: afraid of being unloved, afraid of being criticized, afraid of – as the photo shows – even being looked at. I’m glad I have these photographs of myself from this time period to remind me that no matter what, it’s happiness that is the most important. Much more important than how you look in a photograph. And not to worry, because inner beauty DOES show up on film.
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