Oh Baby

A lot of people my age (and even younger) have been having a lot of babies lately. Litters of them, if Facebook is any indication! Which is completely befuddling to me because I can’t even imagine being adult enough to care for a human being, much less a human being at its most needy, vulnerable and smelly. Further self-reflection has revealed that this is because I, myself, am a baby.

EVIDENCE: I cannot walk very well. Sometimes when I’m walking I get too excited and I make myself fall down

EVIDENCE: I am really bad at feeding myself and usually end up wearing my food on my face, shirt front, and lap

EVIDENCE: I hoard blankets and soft toys

EVIDENCE: I usually fall asleep on the subway and in movies, but when I don’t, I make a lot of noise and am generally an unwanted presence

EVIDENCE: I have a predilection for throwing fits when I am unable to articulate my needs

EVIDENCE: I can’t go anywhere fun without complaining every five minutes that I have to go potty

No offense, dude. 

8 responses to “Oh Baby”

  1. Babies terrify me as you'll see in my Friday post. But I feel the same way, I am in no way qualified to have or raise something that is 150% dependant on me. This is why I have cats. And even then… ugh.

    • I'm holding off on pets for at least a few years… Eli keeps pestering me for a dog, but for now the closest thing we have is a stuffed dog that we sometimes pretend is real (holy psychosis Batman!) because he's cute, we can take pictures of him looking goofy, and if he falls between the couch cushions and gets lost for a few days he won't die and stink up the apartment. Also, 4th story walk-up is not conducive to walking dogs several times a day.

  2. There has been a baby explosion around here as well. I don't know what's up with it!
    Did everyone around me plot to have babies at the same time?
    Was it something in the water? (Thank God we bought that Brita last year!)
    Is it something contagious through the air? If so, I think I've almost caught it a couple times!
    Luckily, my senses come back to me and bat it away and defend me from making that decision, again. (I have a six year old.. . he's still stinky sometimes, but less vulnerable and needy than he used to be!) 😉

    • Aren't six year olds supposes to be independent? Once you can wipe yourself and microwave a frozen hotdog, you should be able to take care of yourself!

      LOL @ the Brita Filter! I have one too! Maybe that's why my ovaries are shrunk down three sizes too small, like the childless Grinch that I am.

  3. It's gotta be the second wave. Slightly older friends of mine said they noticed the "baby fever" seemed to happen in 3 waves. The first after high school. The second about mid 20s and the third at around 30.

    I never want kids. I just want people to stop telling me "Oh, you'll change your mind."

    • That timeline makes sense! Since I'm smack in between mid-twenties and 30, that explains your theory!

      I always thought I never wanted kids…but I have a fantasy of mentoring LGBT teens later on, so maybe I could do some volunteer work?

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