Why I Am The Coolest Person Evar

It’s a big, big world, and sometimes, it’s easy to feel rather small in it.  When you consider all the people out there who are wealthier, prettier, happier…and then there’s about 14 Kardashians who are all of the above and for no discernible reason.
That is why it one must – MUST! – remind themselves that they are The Coolest Person Evar from time to time.
I am The Coolest Person Evar because:
My fridge is always super clean.  This is usually synonymous with “empty,” but I do not suffer leftovers to languish and mold. 
My clean fridge makes me The Coolest Person Evar.
I am super polite.  I never talk about people behind their back, I watch my manners, I always bring a gift for the host/ess. 
My 21st Century Etiquette makes me The Coolest Person Evar.
I have a way with words.  I can bust out SAT words in everyday conversation, rhyme on the spot, and make witty puns with obscure references. 
My vocabulary makes me The Coolest Person Evar.
I can get away with almost anything.  A smile and a hint of a wink, some mild humility and I can sweet-talk strangers into doing my bidding. 
My charm makes me The Coolest Person Evar.
I love to learn and absorb new things.  Did you know Geena Davis is a member of Mensa?  And that Paul McCartney’s sheepdog was named Martha?  Or that I once helped win a team trivia contest?  Yeah. 
My smarty pants make me The Coolest Person Evar.
I am a great judge of character.  Within minutes of meeting a person I can tell if they’re going to be a lifelong friend, a treacherous backstabber, or (heh) the love of my life. 
My sixth sense makes me The Coolest Person Evar.
I am a terrible cook.  I burn grilled cheese.  I burn frozen entrees in the microwave.  I spilled half a can of soup into the silverware drawer and am still not quite sure how. 
My ineptitude makes me The Coolest Person Evar.
What makes you The Coolest Person Evar?  Do you give yourself personal pep talks?  Do you have a pet name you call yourself during your pep talks?  Mine’s “babydoll”.  Occasionally “pumpkin.”  Isn’t that horrendously offensive?  Well who asked you?  What do you mean, “I did?”  Well then.

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