And THAT’s Why I Have Trust Issues

Yeah, you could say I’m a little FRAGILE lately!!!!

ICYMI, my life has been going through a lot of changes???? Okay, I’ll level with you: I HATE being out of the loop on important things. Things that matter to me. By people that matter to me. People I should be able to trust!

And that’s why I’m feuding with the Kardashians.

See, it all started when Kylie got pregnant (??) (!!) (??) OR DID SHE?!?!?! That’s my damn problem! Look, KARDASHIANS, I am really trying to keep up with you, so why do you make it so hard?! I just wanna know. I just. Wan. Na. KNOW! But instead, I’m mad. Yeah, now I’m MAD! I’m mad that this family, who THRIVE on publicity and popularity, who have INVENTED going viral and BROKEN the Internet several times over, have suddenly decided to play it coy? NO, KARDASHIANS, YOU DO NOT GET TO DO THAT TO ME! I AM VERY FRAGILE RIGHT NOW! Instead, I have spent — at this point — literal hours up to this very day trying to scout out whether Kylie is pregnant or not, or was pregnant, or was it all a rumor, or did she secretly give birth months ago, or is she sister Kim’s secret surrogate, or are they saving the truth for the TV series, I JUST WANNA KNOW without having to scroll every damn one of y’all’s Instagram feeds for fuckin CLUES like Goddamn Hercule Poirot every time some new rumor leaks.

And staying on Instagram — yep, don’t close that app yet, I know you’re zooming in on Kylie’s most recent selfie to try to ascertain whether she “looks pregnant” — go back to your home feed and tell me honestly: are you still seeing posts from New Year’s Eve?

THAT’S BECAUSE YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY ANYMORE!!!

Facebook, Instagram, now even Twitter: time is non-linear now. And even if your “TIMELINES” DID occur in sequential order, guess what they’re full of: FAKE NEWS! No, not that kind of fake news. Look, we all know how manipulative Facebook can be, and that everyone’s 20% hotter with Instagram filters. But, DAMN! Remember when the basic gist of Social Media was that it help you “keep up to date” with what your friends are doing? Now, dude, it seems like the entire point of algorithms and time shifts is to disorient and confuse you!!! Is today Christmas? Is it New Year’s Eve? What year is this?

I guess what I’m saying is, I’m having a hard time keeping up, and that’s why I have trust issues.

Day 25 of the Kardashian 2017 Christmas Card via Kim’s Insta, shot by Eli Russell Linnetz