The Year Everything Changed


“They” say that you should never take anything good in life for granted, because – and this is important – life can change in an instant.


I know that all too well.


2017 was the year that everything changed. No, I mean, really. I look at where I was in life this time last year, compared to now… nothing’s the same. My life has completely changed, and all the things I took for granted are completely *poof* gone.

I don’t want to harp on How Miserable I Am, because I’m sure it goes without saying. But I’m not really that miz, to be honest. And though 2017 took so many loved ones from me, it also had some good points: my job, chief among them, and finding such a great new place to live.


Now, if you know me at all, you know two things to be true: 1) I will never board the subway without eyeliner, and 2) I HATE CHANGE. I really do. So for SO MUCH CHANGE to happen so rapidly, you can only imagine how much that sucks. Good change, bad change, it doesn’t matter. Even change that barely affects me. Like, my parents renovated their kitchen and did away with the stenciled border and the old linoleum floor and it’s just so weird! I don’t like it! See – I. HATE. CHANGE.


Since mid-October, I’ve been thinking a lot about the tarot card The Tower. It depicts a disastrous scene: a tall turret being struck by lightning, people falling — or jumping — out of the windows to escape the flames and onto the sharp cliffs below. Yeah. It doesn’t look too good.

The card symbolizes a sudden danger or crisis, but it can also signify liberation. The way I learned it, The Tower stands for a HUGE CHANGE that is ultimately necessary and good. I like this definition of the card because it’s been helping me cope with all of this change. The nastiest kind of change. I began my quest in tarot by really examining what I believe in, and what I want to believe in. I don’t believe the cards can tell us ThE FuTuRe. I think it’s best when you can use the ideas and symbols represented in the cards to re-examine your current circumstances from a fresh perspective and break out of toxic thought “ruts.” But I also want desperately to believe in HOPE. The Tower does both of these for me: it forces me to frame my unpleasant life changes that shock My Tower as “necessary crises,” and gives me the HOPE that they’re for the best.


Shall we HOPE for more stability in 2018? That our towers stand firm, never shocked to their core by sudden change? I’m not sure. On the one hand, I miss my safe and predictable existence. On the other hand, I’m afraid of building a new Tower for myself that cannot withstand the horrors of CHANGE. I have built myself, for now, a tenuous skyscraper. We’ll see how it holds up when the lightning comes.


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