Cover It Up


Hey, editors of various noteworthy publications:

I have a request.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop putting that guy on your cover.

You know the one I mean.


He already thinks the world revolves around him — — please stop giving him the impression that he does.

You know how, when a child throws a tantrum, you’re supposed to ignore him?

Ignore him.


He’s just so unpleasant to look at!

Now, I get that he’s a joy for political cartoonists to draw because:

  • his head is like a peach that has been sitting in the sun until it’s started to prune and change colors and grow fuzzy white mold on top


  • his chin doesn’t have a fixed location on his skull, but migrates all around his head-space depending upon his mood


  • he possesses quite an impressive talent for being able to annunciate the most incomprehensible brain feces whilst thrusting his lips out into a permanent pucker “ooo” shape


we have to look at him everywhere. I don’t think we’re going to “forget” that Trump exists if youuu put someone or something else on the cover of your magazine.


and please



please use your lauded publication to celebrate the life and accomplishments of someone who actually deserves to be celebrated. Hey! Malala is still out there! Put her on your cover! It’s a free idea. I’ve got more!


Soooooo Time, Mother Jones, New Yorker, etc, etc, etc: please, change things up. We’re been seeing that guy on your cover for over a year now. I can only assume we’re in for three more years of this 🙁 🙁 🙁 :(. I can’t go three more years passing that face on every newsstand, and I have enough dart board fodder to keep me occupied until this Earth boils up and becomes uninhabitable for human life (in like, 5-6 years).


Someone else! Something else!


I believe in you!


You’ve got this covered!



2 responses to “Cover It Up”

    • He’s *mostly* off my internet! I downloaded “Make America Kittens Again” chrome extension and it replaces (most) images of that guy that pop up in my Internet with photos of KITTENS! It’s pretty good – so good, in fact, that I had to turn it off to get this Google search to work for the piece. Otherwise, you google search “trump covers” and all you get is KITTENS! Download! Enjoy!

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