Catcalls in 2017

 

I’m not going to bore you by explaining what you already know: summer = catcalls, catcalls = the worst. But it’s twenty seventeen! We can’t just ignore this anymore! We gotta fight back! Don’t worry, I already thought this through. The next time someone hits you with one of these classic catcalls, hit ’em back with one of THESE:

 

“Why don’t you give us a smile?”

“Global Warming.”

 

“You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you, but I’m not nearly as beautiful as our National Parks! It should be obvious to all of us that these majestic lands must be preserved for future generations and shouldn’t be sold off to corporations or drilled for monetary gain!”

 

“Why are you so fat, you ugly pig?”

“Wow, way to call me out! I think the real question is, why hasn’t the legislative branch called out Trump for his obvious conflicts of interest? He never put his business into a blind trust when he assumed the presidency, and he’s running the country out of Trump properties to his own personal benefit! Talk about FAT POCKETS, lining his wallet with America taxpayer dollars!”

 

“Did you know you got a great pair of tits?”

“Yes, I did know! And did you know that far-right Republicans are currently imperiling my glorious tits by threatening to defund Planned Parenthood, which provides crucial cancer screenings such as mammograms? Now we both taught each other something today!”

 

“Sit on my dick, bitch!”

“Is Dick your senator? And he’s on the fence about voting against the AHCA? Then I will sit on him, by calling his office every day to encourage him to vote against this barbaric policy that will threaten the financial stability of his constituents. Thanks for reminding me!”

 

cat call photo via pixabay

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