Wow, what a year this has been! Not so different from last year, and yet, so much has changed. Me abandoning this blog, for one thing. Is “blog guilt” real? Because I think i’s real. It feels so real!
To be honest, I haven’t stepped through the Blog Door of my brain in too long and I’m a little exhausted by what I found there: dusty half-written drafts and cobwebs. It’s too overwhelming to tidy it all up and start again!
But maybe it’s that end-of-year urge to like, tie up loose ends and get ready to start fresh. Set goals (I’m not gonna say the R-word — RESOLUTIONS) and create a vision for yourself in the coming year.
But it’s SO HARD to find the time to just sit alone with my thoughts and CREATE. I’ve been doing other side projects and preparing for Christmas and little things keep popping up to occupy my brain space. For example: one day, I have terrible Mittelschmerz and I can’t get out of bed. The next day, I spend hours in my local post office trying to recover mail that my local mail carrier “attempted” to deliver in the classic sense of not even trying to deliver the mail, because I was home the entire time, and now I have to spend the whole day at the post office just to compensate for what should be regular mail service. And TODAY! Well, today I’m waiting for the building maintenance to come and replace our hot water heater, which just yesterday sprung a leak and is slowly rotting through our bathroom ceiling. Have you ever tried to pee while getting gently rained on? Indoors? In your unheated apartment?
So yeah. Hard to get into that “blogging mood.”
But I still have this vision of myself in 2020 — where I keep on blogging. Definitely not as strictly and regularly as I did earlier this year. How did I ever manage 3 posts a week??? But I envision myself being able to sit down, once in a while, with an original thought and the time/energy to expound it into 300-700 words. Just for me.
What else do I envision for 2020?
Well, I want to have a more formalized living situation. I love living in this loft, but the lack of heat and the constant problems are just too much for a woman on the verge of 36. I want a lease and running water. The RENT ideal is fun for a young single woman of 34, but for an old biddy of 35, it’s exhausting to deal with noisy parties, filthy hallways, and roommate drama.
I also *finally* know what I want to do when I grow up. FINALLY! I’m getting sporadic grey hairs and I’m FINALLY as clear on my future as most high school seniors. HOORAY! I’m enthusiastically diving into tour guiding as my dream career, marrying my desire to PERFORM with my fetishistic worship of New York City and its history. I have other ideas for spin-off projects related to such, and my vision for 2020 has me delving into research and storytelling in a number of different ways.
It’s pretty typical, I think, to look down the barrel of a New Year and imagine a way better version of yourself, right? A version that goes out more, even when you’re tired and would rather watch one of the myriad spinoffs of the 90-Day Fiancé franchise. A version of you that eats more broccoli and lifts heavy objects with ease. A version of you that has impeccable posture and actually flosses literally every single day. Twice a day! Look at those pink healthy gums! Basically, my ideal 2020 vision of me is as healthy and hydrated as my house plants. No excuses!
And a version of me that blogs easily in my spare time. Well…. here’s a start, right?