Things That Ought To Be Pumpkin Spice Flavored But Somehow Aren’t Yet? Get On This, People!
We are now firmly in October, which puts us at the peak of Pumpkin Spice Season. In case you don’t already know, “Pumpkin Spice” is made up of cinnamon, cloves, ginger, allspice, nutmeg, and everything left that is pure and good in this doomed and depressing world. 🙂
Naysayers will say, in addition to “nay,” that Pumpkin Spice has gone too far. It started with coffee. Spilled over into English Muffins and scented candles. Now you can buy almost any product imaginable in the “Pumpkin Spice” flavor, from breakfast cereal to body wash. “TOO FAR!” The Naysayer neigh. “TOOOOOO FARRRRR!” But as a heathen who embraces the autumnal arrival of All Things Pumpkin Spice, I clench my fists and whisper under my breath, “not far enough!”
Pumpkin Spice Deodorant
It’s October, but it’s still fuckin HOT AS BALLS outside. GLOBAL WARMING. Our hearts are saying “scarves, sweaters, UGGs” but the thermometer is saying “PUT ON MORE DEODORANT BITCH.” Enter Pumpkin Spice Deodorant. You’re gonna need it.
Pumpkin Spice Toothpaste
Brushing your teeth is important, but MINT IS A WINTER FLAVOR. It should be illegal to use mint as a seasoning in the autumn. Cinnamon toothpaste…comes close. But it’s 2018. It’s almost 2019. And we can do better.
Pumpkin Spice Dry Shampoo
You use dry shampoo, right? Haha. SURE you don’t.
Pumpkin Spice Chocolate
I’m not unreasonable. I know there are some things that just shouldn’t Pumpkin Spice. For instance, Pumpkin Spice Pinot Grigio. But has anyone given Pumpkin Spice Chocolate an actual try? Cinnamon & chocolate is good. Ginger and chocolate is sometimes good. Can we make this happen???
Pumpkin Spice LaCroix
I literally can’t even believe that this doesn’t exist yet.