When Sandy casually mentioned that she was flying to Topeka for a month to help her sister Agnes recover from hip replacement surgery, you — and your roommate Jordan — knew that this would be the greatest summer of your adult lives. Heretofore, your apartment’s only “outdoor space” has been the fire escape, but now, you’ll have unfettered access to a genuine backyard! You can’t let this opportunity pass you by, so you’d better make the most of Sandy’s backyard this month! And here’s how:
1. Bring in a Slip ‘n’ Slide: summer sun can scorch a lawn, but Sandy will be grateful to you (even if she doesn’t know it) if you keep her lawn watered with a Slip ‘n’ Slide party! Go all out with popsicles, sprinklers, maybe even an inflatable kiddie pool!
2. Gatsby-themed Lawn Party: Sandy was like, born in the 20’s, so a Roaring Twenties party is actually a tribute to her! Let the champagne flow (okay, it’s boxed Chardonnay), and blast the Leo DiCaprio Great Gatsby soundtrack as loud as you can without getting the cops called! Noise violation + trespassing? Double whammy, not a good look!
3. Take Advantage of Sandy’s Green Thumb: plants needs to be pruned to stay healthy, so Sandy will appreciate someone picking her flowers and vegetables. Those flowers won’t be blooming when she gets back, so somebody might as well appreciate fresh-cut flowers in their apartment in her absence! Just be sure to rip up her flowerbeds real good, so you can blame the pilfering of her plants on “some animal.”
4. Rent a Bounce House: oh my god are you kidding just rent the bounce house!
5. End-of-Summer BBQ: it’s been a swell month of tanning and reading your phone in Sandy’s backyard, but she had to come back sometime! The magic of Sandy’s month-long backyard adventure has come to a close, so throw it the proper sendoff with grilling, boozing, maybe even some sparklers? Thanks, Sandy, for having such a sweet backyard!
Go on, live it up and enjoy Sandy’s garden — while you’re still young enough to jump over that fence!