Real Housebound

Aw, its evergreen, but I feel it on SUCH A DEEPER LEVEL.

We*re — what? — SIX weeks into quarantine? Or is it Social Distancing? Or Self Isolation? I dont know, I dont know the difference, and I dont actually CARE. The gist is, its been a fuckin LONG TIME since I left the house aside from once-weekly trips to the bodega and twice riding the subway into Manhattan at the crack of dawn to stand in line outside the Tribeca Trader Joes. New York is *on PAUSE.* I dont need to tell you this shit. You know it! Its EVERYWHERE! We are REAL HOUSEBOUND.

Its exhausting, honestly. Waking up every morning and knowing that you cant go anywhere or do anything is exhausting. Constantly cycling through fears about staying healthy, losing your job, paying the rent, watching all your hopes and dreams for the future cast into uncertainty is exhausting. If youre able to get up and do yoga and bake banana bread every day, GOOD FOR YOU. Because its all I can do to wake up, brush my teeth, take my meds… and watch Real Housewives.

I*m serious.

Which ones? All of them! Does it matter? Look, COVID-19 is everywhere. I just want to escape from it for a little while to numb sting of anxiety. And if that escape leads me to follow half a dozen trust-fund fifty-somethings to beachside Botox in the Bahamas, well! Thats about as far away from my 6 foot by 8 foot Bushwick bedroom with three roommates as I can get. And bless them for that!

And, ok, its not like I wasnt already a big fan of select Real Housewives franchises before the pandemic began. But now, its like the floodgates are down. I will watch any REAL HOUSEWIVES from anywhere. 

HELLO! Its called escapism, and we*re all trying to do it. Whether you*re doing it on daily FaceTime calls to friends, or posting photos of your government-sanctioned exercise, or BAKING BANANA BREAD! You dont need all that banana bread, bitch! Youre baking it to turn down the noise of the horse hooves of the APOCALYPSE!

And you may say MEGHAN, what is a card-carrying antiestablishment socialist like you doing, retreating to a fantasy of privileged women wearing designer clothes and riding in luxury cars to lavish parties at expansive mansions? Trust me, I see the conflict of interest here. Dont think for a moment that this means I dont still believe we should eat the rich! And I will, as soon as the antibody test is perfected and I can make sure I wont contract the disease from their pompous hides! But for now, I*ll settle for sinking my teeth into the Real Housewives franchise to take my mind off of things. I strongly recommend it. What? Its not like youre going anywhere.