I’m Not Sorry About My ‘Feelings’ About This Hot Pockets Commercial

Intrigued? I know I am.

This commercial, to me, is just dripping in weird toxic masculinity code.  WATCH IT!:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ew-jWutL0E

What is this ad saying, basically?

That if you’re a dude, you’re busy doing DUDE things. Otherwise, there would be a female platonic friend wearing a VR headset on that sofa! But Nope, this is post-Gamergate, everyone knows that girls don’t play video games!!! 

“Dudes! Are you too busy playing violent shoot-em-up video games to feed yourself?? Of course you are! But cooking is for sissies! You need to insert calories into your mouth-hole, FAST. Therefore, you need HOT POCKETS.”

I think perhaps my favorite thing about this commercial is that not once is “flavor” mentioned. It’s all about convenience, and getting back in the game. Insert Hot Pockets, resume play. Hot Pockets aren’t a thing you eat when you care about taste!!! They’re bro-chow solely intended to sustain life, nothing more.

Maybe I’m alone in this, but I find this food commercial hilarious. Now, I know that we aren’t all foodies, and The Lord Knows I’ve got my share of “convenience food” stockpiled in my home cupboard. That said, I am completely bewildered by the marketing of this particular food product. In fact, it took a few viewings for me to realize what the commercial was for. I mean, a new video game? A food “product?” Maybe some Axe body wash? I don’t entirely know.

Who is buying Hot Pockets based off of this ad? Are there dude-bros watching Hulu (where this ad airs in every other ad spot) who aren’t aware of Hot Pockets? And what was this marketing meeting like — who on the Hot Pockets team decided to so blatantly pander to Gamer Dudes with a food product whose taste is inconsequential?

I don’t know, and I don’t care, and I don’t care if I ever know. This ad makes me feel like I’m peeling back the veil of the Matrix and seeing some deep universal truth. This almost feels like a Saturday Night Live parody to me. It makes me laugh! Are we all seeing this? Are we all enjoying this? Let’s dig it.