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I Stand with Planned Parenthood
(which is to say, I mostly sat at Planned Parenthood.) As an adult woman of nearly 29 years of age, it somehow escaped me that I should see a gynecologist. I mean, I’ve seen The Vagina Monologues – TWICE! – but I’ve never had a professional look at mine? Okay, that joke was a stretch. …
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A Star Is Born – or The Thing I’ll Keep Forever
One of the topics that came up in therapy for me was my fear of making decisions. It’s easier to back down to a safe place and go with the flow than it is to strike out and take a chance, if that chance holds unknown circumstances. The story of my little star is that…
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Don’t Blame Me, I Was A Creative Kid
Today’s Scintilla Prompt has to do with a time you embarrassed your parents in public. So I’m just going to tell you about the time my mother picked me up from the school bus in kindergarten, attempting to wear my backpack on my legs. While wearing a skirt. There’s the story. There’s the visual. And…
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Pedophobe
The way I understand it, babies are sacks of goo that can erupt at any moment. That’s why we swaddle them in diapers, plug them with pacifiers and suction their noses with tiny little turkey baster things. No offense intended, I’m sure your sack of goo is just delightful. He/she may very well have a…
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Never Turn Your Back, Not For A Second
I have referred to this incident in the past, now I will share in detail what caused me to learn the harsh life lesson “never fall asleep with your back to a stranger.” Back over Thanksgiving, I had set my mind that I was going to spend the holiday visiting my family, regardless of the…
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Business in the Front, Potty in the Back
I think it’s time for some potty humor, don’t you? So I’m in the Time Warner Building. I’m in the restroom. Early morning. Which I know from experience is where fancy businesspeople come to do their, uh, pre-business business. This lady walks into the stall next to me an her phone rings. She answers, in…
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My Ugly Truth
Beauty = constant perfection (?) A man at work joked about that “awkward situation” when you wake up next to a girl you’ve brought home from a club and “her makeup is off and she don’t look right.” I was stunned into action. “I am that girl.” He stopped, and immediately began backpedaling. “No, you…
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Open Letter / Plea to Instagram Users
Hi guys. I’ve happily been one of you for over a year now. In fact, the main reason for finally obtaining an iPhone when I did was so I could join the Instagram craze. I’ve been known to say “Instagram that shit!” And other snappy phrases such as, “I’m gonna Gram this…Instantly!” My love affair…
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Valentine’s Day is Coming Up and That Means…
…Oh don’t look at me so coyly. Even the weekly Target ad had a two-page spread of lingerie. Roses, candles, chocolates…and on top of that, it’s cold outside. Need to generate heat somehow and hey, here’s an idea, turn up this playlist to block out the neighbor’s repetitive playing of the same song they’ve been…
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For the Love of Eyeliner
…and I usually wear even more than this on a daily basis. So, clearly, I love eyeliner. And lately, perhaps too much! I’ve been double-lining my eyes – two colours at once! Sure, the compliments I get are nice, and I would never reveal that secret for profit (or would I?) and each of my…
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My First Kiss
Since it’s February, blah blah blah Valentine’s Day, blah blah blah getting mushy all over the blogiverse, I thought it was only appropriate to share this memory during this month The year is 2002. I am a flat-chested, acne-ridden, brace-faced senior in high school. So basically, not much has changed in 11 years, except…
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Very Superstitious
My ghost-tourists often ask me, “Do you believe in ghosts?” I don’t like to answer because I encourage them to keep an open mind but I will admit to being fairly superstitious. Is it even possible to be superstitious and an atheist at the same time? Please keep an open mind for me. MONEY …
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Learning to Love the Cyborg Within
On the subject of irrational fears, check out this fortune cookie I received the other day: The thing in us that we fear? I don’t know about you, but the thing I fear most is robots. Sorry, Rosie. Source: Uploaded by user via Devin on Pinterest Yup, robots. Specifically, very humaniod robots and/or cyborgs and/or…
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True Life: I’m Becoming a Narwhal
Let’s play an awesome game. It’s called, What Is Eating Me Alive??? Is it: 1. A spider 2. Mosquitos 3. Fleas 4. Mysterious blood-sucking fruit flies? Or is it possible that I’m merely sprouting a magical horn from my forehead that, when ground into a poultice, will cure diseases? And the questions just keep coming.…
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You’ll Never Walk Alone…Unless You’re Into That Sort Of Thing
My hobby of taking long walks by myself has brought me to some serious realizations. Firstly, that walking helps me clear my mind. Much like the shower, or washing the dishes, I can think most clearly when taking long walks. By myself, with music ringing through my headphones, even while texting. I am utterly brilliant. …
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2012: Year in Review
This massive undertaking was sparked by Brooke at Silver Lining. Get ready for an intense retrospective of the past year in blogging and twelve giant Instagrams. And remember – I love you. JANUARY I made grilled cheese, stupid faces, and peace with Brooklyn. FEBRUARY I conquered Owego, the subway system, and one of my biggest…
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Always Stuff Your Bra
Nothing is certain in this world, least of all New York City. The only offense is a good defense. And when you’re desperate for a wee, and stoop to use a public restroom, only to find that your stall is devoid of toilet paper, you’ll be glad you have those extra tissues in your bra.
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30DHN: Eight Things You Didn’t Know About Me
1. I constantly have to be having a text conversation with somebody. I think I’m addicted to human interaction. It’s a little embarrassing. And maybe unhealthy. Sometimes I’m okay without it while I’m walking and listening to music, but lately it’s gotten worse and worse. 2. I hate showers. I love baths. Especially early in…
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Cheap Joke
This is my grocery basket from a recent trip. This is not the joke part. Easy Mac happened to be on sale, so I bought all I could find. All that I could fit into my basket, while still leaving room for a tiny (just a tiny) bit of self-respect. Looking at my purchase, I…
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Always Brush Your Teeth
On Tuesday, I woke up in a bit of a funk. No, not just a funk. Worse than a funk. As I told my coworkers at the start of my third nine-hour shift that week, I felt entombed in a granite version of myself lazily yearning to break free in slow motion while everyone and…