🎶 Where Have All The Napkins Gone? 🎶

  I’ve always looked up to Amy Sedaris. You know, she was born across the river from my hometown? And ever since her Comedy Central TV show Strangers With Candy filled my adolescent eyeballs with its raunchy, subversive humor, I’ve definitely known who she is. You can’t miss her. Beyond her iconic[…]

March Through The Snow???

  Ok so let’s look at the facts:   It’s March 4th and it’s been declared a SNOW DAY in New York City. It’s already snowed more in MARCH than it has the ENTIRE WINTER BEFORE THIS.   I CALL SHENANIGANS!   You will recall, our first major snowfall of[…]

Sometimes, Living With Roommates Can Be… Shitty

  I would like to tell you that this is the story of the time I almost pooped in a shoebox, but that wouldn’t be the whole truth. Because the truth is that I almost pooped in a shoebox on multiple occassions.    So I live in a 4br/1ba loft in Brooklyn with 3 other[…]

Things You Might Not Know About Me

  I feel like my blog is a pretty good representation of who I am. Like, if you read my blog, you for sure know about my obsession with true crime podcasts, and that I put Kewpie mayo on pretty much everything I eat, I love thrift shopping, and I[…]

I Don’t Believe In “Ghosting”

  I’ve started and re-started this post so many times and every time, I work myself into a frothy rage so I’m gonna keep this short and sweet (that’s right, UNDER 700 WORDS) and just say this: I don’t believe in “ghosting.”   Why not?   1. Ghosting is a “new[…]

The “Name Shame” Game

  One of my biggest pet peeves — and one of yours, too, probably — is when people make fun of other peoples’ names. Consider this blog post the antithesis of all the blog posts like this one out there that, I guess, just want to rain on parents’ parades for naming[…]

Be Prepared

    At any given time, I will have at least 5 tampons in my bag. 24/7/365. In the name of “being prepared.”   But that’s not all: of the 3 bags I carry with me on a regular basis (purse, backpack, and tour bag), each of them have their[…]

Hate-Watching “Snog, Marry, Avoid”

  Generally speaking, I’m not a huge fan of makeover shows anyway. in the Venn Diagram of “Things I Hate” and “Things I Watch Ironically,” “Makeover Shows” stay squarely in the former category. Maybe it’s the little girl inside me, who remembers being forced to wear way-too-uncomfortable tights with dresses,[…]

Fear Itself

  It would figure that, as soon as my life starts going Really Well, I’d begin getting random, life-halting panic attacks. And I mean it when I say that my life is going really well! I love my job, my tours are really fulfilling, my boyfriend is fantastic, my apartment[…]

Ass To Plastic

  It’s 87º — do you know where your ass is? If you’re one of the literally millions of commuters aboard the NYC MTA, chances are, your sweaty upper thighs and gluteus maximuses are sticking right to the plastic seats aboard your chosen train. That’s right. It’s ASS TO PLASTIC SEASON.     The phenomenon known[…]

NOT THE FACE

    I hate a LOT of things. Fascism. Bacon. That thing where you have to poop really badly but your roommate is in the bathroom and then you hear the shower turn on?   Eeeeeuuuuuuuurrgghhhhh.   But there is ONE THING that I hate more than ANYTHING ELSE in[…]

BACK OFF: An Unpleasant Trader Joe’s Story

  “Personal Space” is a funny concept in New York City. In a municipality where we think nothing of entwining our legs with a stranger’s on the subway to keep our balance on that crowded L train, there are still clearly situations where there is an accepted distance that one[…]

I Wanna Talk About Bras For A Minute

I think that the worst way to gaslight someone would be to steal all their bras and reverse the adjustment of the straps so you make them think that their big titty got bigger and their small titty got smaller and they stand in front of the mirror lookin at[…]

So You Think You Can Bangs

  SO YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT CUTTING SOME BANGS INTO YOUR HAIR??? YOU MIGHT THINK TWICE IF YOU KNEW WHAT BANGS ARE REALLY LIKE…   You Will Never Wear Hats! The hat band will press your bangs down, and suddenly, they will be in your eyes, down to your nose, creeping into your[…]

Venting About MetroCard Vending

  So, over the weekend, MetroCard machines all across the city are getting a software upgrade. For six hours, in the middle of the night, you won’t be able to use a credit or debit card to buy or refill your MetroCard! EEEK! Yeah, you’re probably like, “Who cares?” but[…]

The Pits

  June 26th, 2014: I grammed this gorgeous selfie of yours truly all dressed up for a date. Hair curled, cute sundress, makeup on point. I look amazing, BUT! For the itchy, scaly, oozy, red splotch of psoriasis under my armpit. You can tell I’ve tried my darnedest to filter the living[…]

It’s Getting Hot In Here

  I said aloud, to the clouds: “So THIS is how it’s gonna be from now on, HUH?”   I’m talking, of course, about WINTER. Winter in NYC is funny. As I’ve often said before, it’s summer until it’s winter, and then a switch is FLIPPED. It could be warm[…]