Cross yourself and pray that this isn’t fake news, because research is finally saying all the right things, you know?

 

First, a study out of Kyorin University in Japan suggests that eating ice cream for breakfast can improve mental performance. Details here. Why ice cream? The reason still isn’t clear, but do you really care? The important thing is that we have the science to back it up, and we’re going with it.

 

In related news, GQ recently posted an online article titled “Hot Baths Are the New Exercise, According To Science,” which opens thusly:

 

Don’t read the article! Just stop there! That’s all you need to know and all you want to know, isn’t it? Long baths = exercise, got it. Skip the gym, and just lounge in the tub.

 

Now sadly, I must inform you that I have done a lot of research since into whether or not wine is healthy for you. There have been numerous studies that claim that wine makes you lose weight (false) and that champagne can prevent Alzheimer’s (false), but I think we can all agree that DARK CHOCOLATE IS GOOD FOR YOU! Right? Sure.

 

 

Friends: amend your morning routines accordingly. Instead of waking up early for an hour at the gym, sleep in, slide into a steaming hot bath, and grab a pint of Ben & Jerry’s on your way out the door. #HealthyLifestyle. Fuckin’ finally, science.