So…

I have a bunch of awesome blog posts coming up soon. I swear! I spent all this time over the weekend having IDEAS! And starting DRAFTS! With great CONTENT!

And then today, I woke up to drizzly grey skies & I just. feel. squished.

I’ve done stuff today — like, filled out job applications. Went to the grocery store. I even took a bath and gave myself a pedicure! Gross question: do you find that you neglect your feet in the winter like I do? Like, I only noticed my toenails needed clipping when I felt my shoes starting to get uncomfortable. So just know that when I say “gave myself a pedicure,” what I mean is “trimmed my dragon’s talons so that they fit into my Converse again.” Now I’m picturing myself as a super cool sk8r dragon with a backwards baseball cap. Exactly.

I suppose the BIG NEWS of the weekend is that I went OUT on Friday! Months ago, my boyfriend and some of his friends had bought tickets to see Thievery Corporation at Terminal 5. Terminal 5, FYI, is like, A HIP CONCERT VENUE here in NYC. And then he forgot, until I came home from singing in the park on Thursday and immediately I was like…oh, crap…and spent the subsequent 24 hours dreading it.

People, there are 3 things I absolutely cannot abide:

1. Loud music
2. Crowds
3. Movies where a dog dies

Basically, I was expecting 2/3 of the worst. I was certain that it would be loud and terrifying and I wouldn’t have been a bit surprised if, halfway through the set, a screen dropped down and they started playing the movie Marley & Me. When it comes to things that provoke anxiety in me, I always expect the worst. Don’t you? And then, I’m usually surprised by how not terrible things end up being. So, holla at me if you always imagine things will be THE WORST and then you have to admit after that “Gee, that wasn’t so bad after all.”

Well, that’s how this show was. We watched most of the show from a cozy corner near the door. I stood with my back at the intersection of two walls, and I felt totally safe. Even when singing in the park, I felt anxious when I was near the front and people were standing behind me. Thanks in large part to the AWFUL parents of the toddler who they let run around, shoving and grabbing people. I felt a hand on my ass and I FLIPPED OUT, turned around to see some hipster dad grinning: “My little girl wants to get to the front!” Oh, so she just grabs a toddler handful of ass and that’s okay? Newsflash: everybody wants to get to the front, asshole. Maybe you should teach your daughter to WAIT HER TURN, instead of using grab-ass to get what she wants. I think it might be called “PARENTING.” But on Friday night, my ass remained ungrabbed, just how I like it. And the music was great. And I worried over nothing.

It’s a full moon tonight…I think? Not that it means anything to me. I just love a good moon. The moon’s been bright and visible the past couple of days. It’s looked rather like the moon is wearing a hat “strategically dipped below one eye” which is like, one of the greatest lines of song lyrics ever written IMHO? Tell me “You’re So Vain” isn’t one of the greatest songs of all time. Because you CAN’T. Because IT IS.

It snowed over the weekend, too. I noticed little flakes floating around when I walked to CVS to pick up my prescription on Sunday. Insert gallows humor about fearing for the future, and how someday we’ll miss the simple pleasures like having easy access to medicine, and SNOW, because Global Warming, etc. And this is Brooklyn, so when stuff is flying around in the air it always triggers an initial panic of “Is This Garbage Or Is It Weather?” Well, I looked out my bedroom window later in the night to see a dusting of the stuff on top of the roofs of cars parked on the street, so yes, I suppose it was snow.

The year is coming to an end, and it feels like something so much more final than just 2016. A loss of hope. A loss of innocence. A loss of trust in the goodness of humankind. I have my final therapy appointment of the year in two days, and it’s been way overdue.

So what am I going to do now? Curl up with this gin & tonic I made and watch mindless Food Network television shows on Netflix. Have we all seen An Unmarried Woman? Because it’s amazing. Although I was really turned off by the way the men kiss Erica in the film — always too hard, too forceful. I think it’s supposed to come across as “passionate,” but it really just looks like overcompensating. Take it from me: when a man kisses hard like that, grabbing your head and glomming on to your mouth, it’s because he’s trying to suck the Purpose in Life out of you. Anyway, watch the movie, it’s gorgeous. I raise my G+T to a better day tomorrow.