The Slut Illuminati

“Are we all assembled? Good. First order of business on the agenda: electing a new treasurer because, as we all know, Tiffany is getting married this summer, we love you Tiff, but once you are a married woman, you can no longer be a slut. At this moment, we are[…]

Seven Floral Duvets To Camoflage All Of Your Disgusting Stains

Honestly, darling, you’re disgusting. That filthy mess-hole you lay down in every night is a testament to your fine talent for ruining everything you touch. Yes, I’m talking about your bed! Instead of fighting your predilections for staining your sheets, lean in to them! These seven duvets and comforter sets will camouflage[…]


Follow my blog with Bloglovin Maybe you noticed some changes around here? They say “a messy house is a sign of a life well-lived,” which is probably just a shade at neat freaks. Maybe the opposite is also true, “a clean house is a sign of a  life in turmoil.”[…]

Five Albums: Tapestry

Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to make it home again. I didn’t know just what was wrong with me. Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore? Carole King’s Tapestry is a masterpiece of meandering insecurities and confident piano riffs.  The album dives right in with “I Feel The Earth[…]

Face Value

Dermatological treatment may be slowly changing my face, but it’s rapidly changing the way I think about it. It’s been almost six months — wow, time flies! Six months since I brought my shameful face to the dermatologist. In the sixth months I’ve been using prescription topical treatments, my face[…]

8 Of Your Favorite Childhood Toys (And The Dark Stories Behind Them)

If the Toy Story franchise made you cry, I’m about to really make you weep — first, by reminding you of all the toys you begged your parents for, and then by ruining your fond memories of them with the tragic backstories you never knew.   1989 Polly Pocket In 1982, Chris[…]

Menstrual Cycling

“Isn’t it weird how your period transforms you into Wonder Woman?”  my friend texted as my uterine lining erupted out of me like hot magma out of Krakatoa. Wonder Woman?  Is everyone else’s menses making them super-strong and giving them invisible jets? That’s right, I’m talking about my period again![…]

New York Holidays

Last Friday was National Donut Day. Aren’t there like, five of those every year? Nation, what the fuck are you doing? As a New Yorker, I feel less and less in touch with the rest of “the nation.” I mean, y’all made Trump a thing. Thanks, Nation! I think it’s[…]

5 Things You Need To Get Over Already

I get it, I get it, we like to yak. We like to gripe, we like to complain, and we LOVE to air our grievances. Sure, most of the time, there’s stuff to be pissed about: global warming, homophobes, dress codes, TRUMP. But henceforth, I declare an absolute kibosh on[…]

Currently… in June 2016

FEELING:  A bit lost, to be honest. My internship is over, and I’m back on the hunt for a new…purpose, really.  I’m doing pretty well so far out of the gate, pitching and sending emails and applying to jobs, but I’m frustrated because I want something to happen RIGHT NOW![…]