The Popsicle Zodiac

Pink: Total hedonist.  You enjoy only the finest things in life.  Your bed has no fewer than six pillows.  That’s four pillows more than necessary, and you know it.  Your most frequent recurring nightmare is the one where you realize your favourite designer handbag is actually a knockoff.  Blue:  You[…]

Those 5 Twitter Pals Everyone Has

TWITTER!  Twitter is a blogger’s best friend!  Twitter is there for you when nobody else is” when you wake up at 5am and decide to start watching The Bachelor for no reason (spoilers, it’s terrible, just don’t) (but my Bachelor tweets are pretty funny).  Twitter helps you make friends with[…]

Periodical Thoughts

You know what’s awesome?  Having the kind of terrible menstrual cramps that ruin your entire day (and sometimes the next one, too).  The kind where taking Midol is a gamble: sometimes it works, sometimes you might as well swallow some Cadbury Mini Eggs and hope for the best. That was[…]

Patience

Patience fuckin’ blows. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m a New Yorker.  We’re not exactly known for being patient.  Are you a New Yorker too?  Just in case, I looked up the definition of “Patience” for you: If you click for “more” synonyms, you’ll also get “sucker”Sorry, sorry, NEW YORKER! If[…]

The Princess and the Stalker

As I shared last week on Femnasty, it’s my 2-year anniversary of taking my stalker to the cops and getting an Order Of Protection.  I shared about the situation and what happened a year ago, but I’m not done. See, the problem is, stalking like what happened to me is[…]

10 Signs You Might Be a Confused Introvert

Are you an Extrovert?  If so, LEAVE THIS PLACE.  This is not for you. Great, now we got all the Introverts?  Guys, woah, ease up!  I’m not going to hurt you!  I am one of you!  Well, most of the time.  See, I think I might be a “Confused” Introvert. […]

You Should See Me Climb Stairs

I really don’t know who first said, “If you think that’s impressive, you should see me climb stairs.”  I spent actual time Googling that quote, and I can’t seem to find its true origin, so I’ve decided that it’s a thing my dad used to say.  It sounds like a[…]

“The Fuckin’ Ugly Duckling” & Dermatology Update

So it has been six weeks since the dermatologist.  Six weeks, remember?  She said I wouldn’t even START to see a positive change in my skin until at LEAST six weeks. Which is why I was so excited that my face had been responding to treatment since day ONE!  Yay! […]

What The Hell Are You Doing For Valentine’s Day?

Oh Shit, it’s not only SUNDAY, it’s also Valentine’s Day?  There is no fucking way you’re going to get a table at Five Leaves*, dude, not even if you sit at the bar.  Kiss your endive and salmon mousse-filled dreams goodbye (RIP endive salmon mousse, you were the stuff of[…]

I Love You, You’re Perfect, But…

Around Valentine’s Day, you see lots of sappy posts cropping up from coupled bloggers about how much they love their significant other, how they’re the greatest in the world, blah blah blah.  This isn’t one of those. Well, obviously, all those other posts neglect to mention the fact that my[…]

Field Guide to Female Friendships

  Women!  Who can begin to understand them?  Male philosophers, psychoanalysts and stand-up comedians have tried to comprehend and explain the way the female brain works.  If these men of science have such difficulty understanding women, what hope is there for mere women?  The resulting paradox is that many women[…]

God Hates You

I don’t believe in God. I don’t think there’s any compelling evidence that God exists. I find it scientifically improbable that there is a ruling force to the chaotic universe we live in. I’d hate to believe there’s some dickface cloud-dwelling billionaire up there who gives cancer to babies to[…]

Love Letter to Law & Order: SVU

Law & Order: SVU has been on television for 17 Seasons – the age of legal consent in New York State!  What?  Don’t act like you’re not in love with SVU, and don’t act shocked!  It’s been 17 seasons of twisted plotlines, tense standoffs, mistaken identity, snatched babies and jaw-dropping[…]

The First Time A Joke Blew Up In My Face

I live to tell jokes.  Always have, always will. Fact: at a party, an acquaintance pulled me aside to tell me he admired my Twitter hashtag.  That compliment meant more to me than shaking the school board president’s hand at my High School graduation.  Being laughed at – or with[…]

Currently… in February 2016

FEELING:  The never-ending cold has passed!  But not before I “passed” it to my boyfriend!  Aww, shucks.  Well, now we’re both feeling better and it is glorious not to be sick anymore! WATCHING:  Alternating between Flavor of Love and Law and Order: SVU because they inspire me – no really! […]