OCTOBER
School Shooting Curriculum (10/5/15): “School used to prepare
kids for the future: college, career, success. But now, schools
should take new aim (all puns intended) to prepare kids for their actual
future: getting shot…”
Guilty Pleasure Wedding Reality Show (10/19/15):
“Greg,
this cake is what I’ve always dreamed of. I just can’t take a marriage
seriously if it isn’t based around a seven layer cake with white
fondant at a forty degree angle to the ice sculpture.”
Graveyard of Dead Blogger Cliches (10/26/15): “Like,
remember that year we were all obsessed with chevron? EVERYTHING had
to be chevron – blog banners, blog backgrounds, EXPECIALLY blog
buttons! Why, you just weren’t a serious blogger if you sported plain
horizontal stripes – they had to be POINTY!”
NOVEMBER
Are You Blogging for All the Wrong Reasons? (11/4/15): “Essena
says she turned to social media looking for fame and approval. She
says young girls want to be bloggers so they can “get free products and
get invited to parties.” IS THIS TRUE? Because if so, I’m doing it all
wrong.”
Unprotected Love (11/5/15): “And if you care more, you’re the fool, you’re the one who’s going to get hurt. You’re a loser. You have to WIN!”
Change Inside and Out (11/1/15): “I am counting down the days to my first ever dermatologist appointment, hoping against hope to find a cure for the acne that has been my millstone for twenty years. I know the outside doesn’t change the inside, and people like me for who I am, but I can’t help but worry that people will see the spots on my face and think I’m dirty, or sick, or don’t care about my appearance when in reality, I am desperate to fix my face.”
25 Pet Peeves (11/21/15):
“18. The phrase “I’m not like other girls.” This phrase should only be used tongue-in-cheek when alluding to superpowers (Buffy Summers and Alex Mack, you’re o-kay!). Otherwise, I bet dollars to donuts I can find you another girl who likes football/drinks whiskey/hates pink/smokes cigars/wears pants/can’t execute flawless winged eyeliner. Your move, special snowflake.”
DECEMBER
The Man-Hating Feminist (12/2/15): “Calm down, I told myself. Just go into the kitchen, make a sandwich, give it to a man on the Internet, and everything will be fine.”
In A Relationship with Beauty: It’s Complicated (12/7/15): “Oh, you remember glitter eye gel! It smelled like cake and it made your eyelids sticky? I had discovered the fun of makeup, and I wanted IN! …and I was told by an adult I trusted that I looked like a “hussy” and wasn’t allowed to leave the house like that.”
OOPS! Accident Prone! (12/10/15): “If four syllables describe me better, I’ve yet to find them. I’m the queen of accidental self-injury, breaking things, and ruining everything! I’m Lucille Ball re-incarnate, down to the mournful wail of defeat.”
Words for Sale (12/15/15): “Big-wigs
with big-jobs have espied your talents and have deemed you worthy to
promote their product! Imagine them in well-tailored skirt-suits, huddled around an open laptop, reading your blog for hours at the conference table! “Hold my calls, Jean! I just have to know her ‘Top-Five Guilty Pleasure 80’s Dance Songs’! Keep clicking, Martin! Go to archives!”
First Quarter HERE!
Second Quarter HERE!
Third Quarter HERE!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!