HAPPY VALENTIMES DAY!  I love Valentine’s Day SO MUCH.  It might be my favourite holiday, after Halloween, of course!  Both holidays having strong associations to candy…hmm…

And speaking of CANDY, it just wouldn’t be Valentine’s Day without those chalky little hearts with tacky sayings on them!  Oh, everyone loves to hate on Conversation Hearts, just like everyone loves to hate on Valentine’s Day!  They’re overly sweet, overly cute, and I – being contradictory ALWAYS – LOVE THEM.

Conversation Hearts are great for all year long!  And I took the liberty of trolling Etsy for some wonderful ways you can express saccharine sentiment in pastel hues long after your actual Conversation Hearts go stale!

Share the festive spirit with this Conversation Hearts Classic Diva Bow from GenevaDiva.  Bows make everyone happy!

But what if you could give a fuck about “everyone” because you’re bitter and miserable about Valentine’s Day?

Conversation Hearts soap from bubblegenius!  Treat yourself to a hot bath with these vegan soaps!  Because as RuPaul says, if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?  Amen.

And speaking of loving someone else, what if you have a love (lucky) but like Fry on Futurama, you just can’t find the right heart to express that love?

Bam.  SnarkHearts – Snarky Conversation Hearts by eliphant.  Grumpy Cat would so approve of these!  Ceramic hearts that can be brooches, magnets, or just plain gifts to express your quirky and maybe dirty sentiment to your Valentine this year.  “GEEK LOVE” is right up my alley!  Anyone else?

But we all know, the best way to show affection for anyone is through jewelry.  And I am DROOLING over this last pick:

christinakober’s be mine sterling silver conversation heart necklace is an absolute stunner.  It’s delicate and bold at the same time – like, say, some pretty girls who love sterling silver jewelry and write blogs called Adventures in Mediocrity?  She also has an option to personalize your own necklace!  Frankly, guys, I’m in love with everything in her shop.  And you can NEVER go wrong with jewelry.  That’s a Valentine promise from me to you!